Perspective

It’s easy to look at a situation or a person,

With rose glasses.

Build pictures in your head.

Acceptance of What you thought ,

What you wanted to be real

and what is real,

Is difficult.

It can hurt as much as the belief in fictional words spoken or images you created.

So then Moving forwards

It means leaving behind what wasn’t there.

Doesn’t stop the hurt ,

doesn’t change a thing, just alters the perspective.

Trust in who you are.

Believe where you have been and what you have done.

You can only be you

You are worthy!

Waiting!!!!

I’m not the most patient person !

So sitting waiting for the ballot results in the post is really quite stressful.

Realise if I fail to get in it’s not world ending.

I know that Arthritis research uk has my golden bond form and they have been really positive about it but this not knowing is really not nice 😦

Nursing bruised feet still not heeled from using a cheaper alternative trainer in the gnr, warned not to do sheffield and let it heal but went ahead anyway ( cause clearly I know better…)

I want to know the training is heading in the right place.

So fingers crossed.

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Route recovery

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Clubby raised it’s game and refused to allow a shoe for a couple of days

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To add insult to injury three blistered toe nails burst and leaked every day for three gross days.

So buying a beautiful sexy pair of flip flops, I hobbled about after the kids, suffice to say the flip flops barely made it through the week……

After three days the nail on one big toe was no longer attached by a lot more than a tiny corner and was like walking around with a foreign body on my toes actually preferred the pain of swelling exploding and leaking blisters.

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So as the shopping arrived and my foot connected with something off came the most of the nail….

Que a gross picture

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And as an ex boyfriend said

well my foot modelling days have long gone so it shouldn’t matter!

Mums guilt!

Parents of special People have a unique sense of love and loyalty to their children but also a deep rooted guilt for their suffering.

After all we made these beautiful creatures and half of there spliced genes are ours.

I produced beautiful children, even if I do say so myself, but they all have collected a furious amount of negative genes.

Between dodgy immune systems and joints with a healthy amount of ADHD/asd traits, I have often heard these statements

“Oh your single mmmm well it’s a lot to take on isn’t it?”

“Why did you have another?”

“Oh my god you just shouldn’t of had kids, look what you put them through”

Now all comments like that are at best hurtful, but I roll with them and am often found saying sarcastically that

“Yes I know, I just shouldn’t breed! ”

🙂

Instant embarrassed silence or awkward blustering.

What I wonder is do these people think realistically if I thought my kids would suffer this way I would of had them without trying to prevent the issues or find a different solutions!

So my answer to it is this, I feel
Huge guilt and distress at my children’s suffering, I work hard trying to ease there pain or difficulties, but every day I wish I could change their worlds.

They behave in often horrible ways not because they are horrible but because they process things in a different way to the average joe, they often are selfish and arrogant, again because they process things in their world through a filter that is very self effacing.

This doesn’t make life easy

This doesn’t make life comfortable but they are no less worthy of love or involvement.

Those that segregate themselves, children from real people and the differences that exist, merely increase the divide and teach their own children that they are some how superior to those that don’t function the same way.

Equality and understanding it seems somedays has not moved forward from the fifties.

I worry for my children, I worry that the constant rejection from society will eventually crush their spirits, I know it has effected my own.

But they are vibrant, impulsive, inattentive bundles of misunderstood joy.

My hope is one day they find people who embrace their quirks and accept the whole person.

In the mean time it’s business as usual

The Route

Having arrived at newcastle universities prisoner cell block h, complete with painfully high heating, no lock toilet and a pretty student aroma.

We tried to settle in our cells.

Having said that the beauty of the campus shone through.

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The free wash kit and bag caused a lot of excitement, and was a welcome surprise!

We carbed up at Frankie and bennies ( oh the torture )

then

Wrapped in compression socks and elevation I put my sore legs and chest to bed and attempted sleep.

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So by six am.

Strapped up, sun cream on, pain relief ready, we set of all geared up for breakfast with the elite.

I’m Not sure the elite were ready for a tutu wearing orange umpa lumpa, but it seem to amuse and a lot of smiles brighten such a scary early morning !

Breakfast was surprisingly good, selection if pretty much anything you wanted and ace coffee.

Sat watching the elite discussing aims and times, the nerves bubbled.

Aiming for completion !

Told the Diver guy takes three days so I have till Tuesday to finish !

Epic!

Having decided not to call any of these challenges a run or a race, due to the shear terror images either word induces into my head.

I am a completer not a competitor !

So we call this ‘little’ walk

And any future ones,

Forever,

Now known as….

The route.

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The banana chink!

Was how we left the digs to find the start.

After a very long que for the toilets we joined another long que for the start.
1k to walk up to join the masses.

Then another to walk to the start line

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We spent our queuing time inside the pen, with the smell of our peoples, not sweat but a mix of deep heat, tiger balm and a hint of ibuleve gel.

Spotting the costumes and amazing guys carrying everything including the kitchen sink or a fridge all in aid of charity, made the time pass.

After an hour and a half of waiting we set off….

Torture I needed a wee

Less than a minute in and I’m waiting by a toilet stop 😦

Poor Aisha ready to rock and watching crowds pass by

I was so annoyed at myself.

Finally off again

Two mins run two mins walk

By mile one my lungs were killing Nellie wasn’t sitting she was jumping about having a laugh…

By mile two I honestly thought I was going to die, every single cough and step was like torture.

I assume this is a wall

Couldn’t run so walked at the best pace I could, how do I hit a wall when I’m barely at any pace.

Every turn and extra incline was okay, it hurt, it creaked but I could walk and breath, still faster than being on the sofa, so that was ok

At 5k that was race for life I can do that….

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After this we began playing a game of follow our people, we would see one of the fancy dress peoples and as long as they were in sight we were ok!

As it turned out we over took afew and had to pick new ones, the excitement when we caught up with the brave minion we saw in the que on the way into the stalls was ace !

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At 10k that was Manchester and at that pace I could keep going I still had some legs…

Every person along the route was amazing from the children with bags of pennies to the teenagers on bikes who’d gone to the shop to buy water for the runners.

Can’t say how blown away I was, by all that the great newcastle residents gave in time, effort and kindness.

Hunger kicked in at mile 7, having already passed the gel grave yard, I ate more sport beans, then at around mile nine there was a lady who had baked sausage rolls, and brought bananas for runners, that was the best sausage roll I have ever had.

Between mile seven and eight we were told to watch out for arthritis research uk team supporters, we were disappointed, there was no sign of them, thinking they had packed up and gone home, it was great to see them closer to mile ten, still there 🙂

After mile ten something pinged in clubby and it stang and tingled it’s way in to the end.

Those last five yards were from road to grass and as we trotted in I felt my toenails catch and well the result was toenail bed blisters …..

But we got a medal

And it was still Sunday

Very happy to have made to the end.

🙂

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