What’s Free?

Smiles are the most contagious pass it around and happiness and freedom are everywhere 🙂

silhouette scribbles

When struggling for money, it’s important to know what you can get for free. There is so much out there to see and appreciate that is free or costs very little.

struggBeing a student, I’ve found it very hard to find or manage a part-time job that fits around my full-time study and placement. Having the time to eat at regular times and grab a few hours’ sleep each night is challenging enough for me and I don’t feel I have much energy for anything else!

However, when I was back at sixth form college, as well as evening courses, volunteering a couple of nights a week on top of going to my church groups, I was able to juggle a couple of cleaning jobs. I guess I believe that you should work for everything you get, nothing is ever for free – not a meal, not a night out…

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What a difference 24 hrs makes

Extra antihistamines and new strong steriods and today’s poorly sores looked dramatically different.

So today we did something I don’t actually think I have do with my family in many years we went to dinner mum, bro, my girls and me.

It actually felt almost normal no meltdown no paddy before or after (although I doubt they’ll be any sleep again tonight even on four sedatives)
But it felt like we were a family.

They are both still sore but today although they did nothing really except stay at home and mellow out doing their own hobbies, it was calm.

I saw a super hero post and I thought of all the internal battles their bodies are doing each day and thought really they all need there own cape !

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Reblog: Relationsh*t

I found this to be quite a good look at the fast and furious ideals in relationships of our time,

the Disney happy ever after effect of high expectations and very little comprise and work ethic.

Everyone wants it their own way, and forgets a relationship is physical, emotional and intellectually challenging, it’s about working out what your willing to put up with, and accepting that you can’t have everything your own way unless your a selfish narc. Or spoilt child.

So yes people choose to chase the next exciting thing before leaving the last behind because they are lazy and disrespectful, cheating starts in the mind and is a choice no one needs to make and is never the fault of the soon to be ex partner it’s the fault of the person that chooses to over step the boundaries.

If a person can’t work at a long term relationship without boosting there ego elsewhere, don’t have one I say.

Remembering the past and glad to have moved on !

The Fickle Heartbeat

Shared by MpumiD

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So, yesterday, I’m talking to my boy Thembi, and I kid you not he says “Haha nah, dawg, u should post on relationships. You’ll destroy the 5 year ones as well”

So now I’m sitting here wondering, what could I possibly say that could destroy a five year relationship? now It IS NOT my aim to destroy your, my or anyone else’s relationship… Yet I have come to notice a growing trend of this happening around me.

So I decided to step back and look at the possible reasons. The main one I see: WES.

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It’s the Wondering Eye Syndrome. That thing that guys and girls alike both despise and indulge. This whole age of instant messaging, speedy downloads and one click living have created a need for instant gratification that is slowly eroding away our ability as people to interact. We often see something we…

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Ouchy !

Auto immune conditions often come in flares and stop a while to play with the person.

My eldest is in the middle of this cycle and yesterday visited the gp, in fact saw two gps, they sent her to the hospital emergency Dermo team, they ermmed and ahhhed and generally didn’t know what to do, glad we saw the experts !

Basically after three weeks of infection antibiotics, a chronic infected in grown toe has now developed on top of skin infection and there answer is no antibiotics, try more steriod creams and see another podiatrist and so the meltdown began…..

To be fair I don’t blame her for six months we have wavered from one consultant to another visited gps and been given conflicting information tried allsorts and my house is like boots the chemist and still this
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Anyone suggesting aloe Vera or natural diet beware tried and done, in fact she reacted really badly to aloe,

anyway I understand ezcema allergies and intolerances are one of her chronic illnesses and this is life long but for her mental health could anyone give her a small amount of consistency or understanding.

The amount of people who look and say it’s only ezcema or can’t she stop scratching, including the trainee gp at the emergency appointment, really should try a thousand mossy bites and not scratch or feel ill.

The skin is the largest organ our bodies have and at present there is barely an area not effected significantly.

It hurts.

So no surprise a meltdown occurs

After meltdown

the standard suggestion was do you recieve any support for managing these conditions from the psychology service, mostly because they flapped and ran away not knowing how to deal with her in distress, note to them a hint of confidence in your skills might help as throwing your hands in the air and saying I don’t know, doesn’t give her confidence.

So the answer is simple, no, at present we have swung between locum consultants with bad English and a psychology service that sees asd/ADHD needs specialist help so refer back and forth, a pain team that refer out but don’t help so realistically an nt would struggle. Basically having been told if she took an overdose by first locum they could justify the support, psychology services don’t have the funding they don’t have the staff and I don’t have any more money to pay for private treatment to support her.

Rock – hard place – rock busy desperately attempting blood transfusion from stone to stone!

In the meantime I get to watch her suffer and be her beating block for the pain relief.

Honestly I understand the frustration the Dermo team have we have exhausted this second immune suppressant but how many more things does she have to take or do surely there’s an answer in all this.

We control diet
Use ointment etc…..

This is the weekly pill pot remains

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Surely someone out there can look at her as a whole person stop referring out and help ?

New project it would seem research another option !

Cause I don’t have anything else to do

Overwhelmed…..

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WARNING – Drama queen alert!

These past few weeks have been hellish to say the least, so much more traumatic than normal, from watching several members of the family suffer at the hands of their own bodies, to a horrendous holiday, a tearful funeral followed by a close family, kind friends farewell wake, and finishing with being made to feel like the lowest worthless piece of scum ever today by a flawed system.

It’s like sitting on a manure roller coaster heading for a shower in hell.

I could really do with feeling less emotional and more Borg !

Damn the fictitious wiring!

And my need for support.

Honestly considering all my poor mum and brother have been through recently with my nan they have been absolutely there for me and mine.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to pull people together.

So very proud of my brother and his strength and support of our mum !

I can’t thank him enough or say how pleased I was when he rescued me from the BBQ even if he burnt my sausages to charcoal at the wake.

Or watching out for my girls or the dogs recently.

To be fair it hasn’t been all bad and in the light of a few calm days and a good dose of antibiotics and steriods for my eldest things will no doubt settle in to the normal roller coaster
Of medications, prompts,reminders and meltdowns!

In the mean time I have had a good snivel and whinge.

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So screw you world, challenge accepted !

Shhhhhh

I’m thinking ….

That pretty much explains my blogging over the past few weeks!

Honestly there’s an awful lot I could and should of written but I didn’t want to ?

Since removing my hair the swing I have sat on has careered from one high to low to another with epic speed and confusion….

So much so I wonder at Samson and Delia story, my hair was not my strength but I did use it as a tool to hide behind, weird bright red hair is hardly un noticeable but it’s a focus point I chose.

Anyway it’s growing, some are supportive some aren’t !

I have confirmed places now in the great Yorkshire run, Birmingham half and a charity place in the great north run just hoping and praying the big one is accepted and I will have the complete success 🙂

I am walking the race for life in honour of my nan who lost her cancer fight, next Sunday.

Her funeral is Monday.

I am busy about to help prep for the wake. And two hectic busy family days of grieving, celebrating remembering and supporting each other. Followed by an awful emotional personal day that I really am not looking forward too.

This is where I need my wits and energy focused on my kids and family.

So I have called a total phone, message and internet shut down not to upset anyone or exclude them but to reset and focus.

Quiet time to reflect on what’s feeding, supporting, encouraging and what isn’t !

Here’s to the future see u on the flip side.

Reblog: Desperation

The Fickle Heartbeat

desperation

Shared by tothemoonandback.

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When was the last time you didn’t do something because you were afraid of the reaction you would receive? How many times have you regretted something because it made you feel embarrassed, humiliated, or foolish? How bout this – when was the last time you did something, and even with a little doubt in your mind said to yourself “I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say about it, this is my decision”? I encourage you to mull over these questions. I don’t know if what I’m about to talk about is more prevalent during teenage hood or if it spreads just as widely over the adult population, but I am a hundred percent certain that regardless of its prevalence, it’s an issue. We, as a society based around social media, technology, and the latest gizmos, are complicating the simplicity I so desperately long for.

He didn’t…

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