Realising it’s twenty weeks till the big days Eve
I am dreading it
These past few months
Have been very Samson’ish
Giving my hair away, has appeared to make some people look at me differently.
See some strength or character.
But since then
Not a lot has honestly gone in my favour, and each time I think I am moving forward, or reach out for support, I get kicked back.
Determined not to be a victim I keep plodding on.
What worries me is I am losing motivation to bother.
But that’s my problem really, friends and coaches involved in my world all say I am strong, and every knock I keep getting up, they see strength I see another battle to face, what happens if I don’t see a reason too?
So should I be on the big mans naughty or nice list.
I believe I am firmly on the latter
Because the part of me that wants to give in is growing.
I am not depressed,
I am burnt out,
And just plain frustrated.
Typical mid lifer
So if it’s coal, I’ll be warm and if I get ought else it’ll be shock, unless its a one way trip to the insanity place to be fair that would be a rest of sorts.
I am not giving up on life.
Just seeking a rest from being the strong one.