Terrified, sore, guilty.

I shouldn’t be
I have trained ! not enough I’m sure,
But enough to walk it atleast
But this flare the ache in my knees
Altered sensation in the foot
Fat fingers,
And Nellie that is snuggling in to my chest.
For that reason I can honestly say
I have pure terror running through my veins
If I am sore from walking upstairs or around super market for food shopping how the hell can I motivate for this ?
Every alarm in my body is screaming no every stubborn as brain function says well walk it at least you turned up and tried.
Which is winning ?
To be honest it’s 50/50 today
All I want to do us curl in a ball and hide !
Or have a hug.
Life isn’t helping I have one in meltdown over a boy, who has also developed what looks like the eye issues I have (cue guilt driven beating) and another in meltdown over new beginnings and a man who she wants as a possession.
So typically my heads a wobble so match the aches.
I honestly pray that there’s enough adrenaline in my body to make it through, the big walk.
But for today it’s off to my old friend the eye casualty 😦


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