Dark times carry a flashlight

It’s easy to stop around in a relationship for the good times,
It’s also easy to run away in the bad.
Nothing is ever easy
Dark times
Bring about a fight or flight
Sometimes a grey area in between

But it’s a testament of a person soul to know you can do both without attacking the person on the way out.
No one person can stand on a pedestal and proclaim perfection.
As a wife, mother, father, sister or friend.
Everyone has fault for the things that go wrong.
As long as you can look in the mirror knowing you did your best you can do no more.
So forever forwards
Turn the page.
Carry a flash light
And just keep swimming through the mud.


Prudish v prudent!

All parents know this


Children are masters of manipulation and find new or interesting ways of achieving thing we wished they wouldn’t !

At present I am swimming upstream in a river of teenage agony, you know the mom hates me (cause she expects me to throw away my own rubbish) or all my friends have ( the best phones and unlimited contracts) but my personal favorite is the boy/girl issues.

It’s legal so therefore…..

Don’t get me wrong I agree it’s a girl or boys own body they want to have sex or intimate relations after 16, I. Can’t stop them, it’s not my choice, but it’s my home and my rules, that should be respected, I do not expect any less of myself than of them.

I am no prude.

It happens.


If it’s my job to watch out for my kids, I often see what they don’t, I guide them through and pick up the pieces when they ignore me !

Here is where it gets difficult,
I am open and honest about sex I enjoy it and think as past times go it’s a fun way to spend time.


I believe in caution and vetting ones playmate choices, no one likes sharing stds after all !

So with that in mind….

honestly I don’t agree to 16 yr olds having one night stands or starting sexual relationships after one date, because for a boy you become they player a dog and for a girl you become known as easy and a slut, your body becomes free to every single predatory ass known because as soon as the word spreads that your legs open faster than the speed of light, the pool you swim in becomes murky and full of people who only seek a single pleasure.

It’s a common mistake that
Movies/religion have placed an imagery that sex is love.

Vulnerable people believe this….

It’s not !

Reputation follows you and self image dissolves and the action repeats itself till In The end that girl will do anything to feel ‘loved’.

sex isn’t love it’s purely physical.

Love is about giving without expectation or demand, it’s about giving time, effort, thought and understanding. It’s about being there for those people emotionally!

So if as a parent I seem harsh when I don’t allow my young adult to sleep out, or invite newest interest over whenever they think it’s acceptable it’s not prudish it’s prudent !

Moving forward in divorce.

When relationships breakdown things get difficult, parties involved frequently get bitter and about things, personally I left my ex with almost all our shared things as that’s what he needed. Things were important to him. He was struggling and I thought leaving him the house and contents would help support him.

Which he subsequently wrecked, As hard as I try to be a better person, I struggle to be okay about that.

he now has redesigned his life with the help of his mother.

And I have eighteen months left to finish off paying the debts built up before and during the fourteen months from when I left him.

Debts accured in my name because he didn’t pay any bills during the time just before up till the house was voluntarily repossessed after months of begging the banks to stop allowing this and trying to give them the keys, by the time the house was sold it was a wreck, most of the silly things that I asked for once but didn’t take, because he needed them were left and the house needed a major clean and was worth less than the mortgage.

Luckily for him bankruptcy saved him from his responsibility and his mum helped him keep his head above water. And by that I mean able to take several holidays and still appear to ‘own’ the businesses.
I know I shouldn’t be bitter.

Fair play to his mother she watched out for her son.
During a time when I as his wife and mother to his children could no longer do so as I didn’t believe in his skills anymore as a husband or father.

I deserted a sinking ship and got left with the wreckage.

In 18 months I am free of the massive debts, after six yrs, and I have raised the kids with very little court ordered support. ( £12 a week per child)

Now the point of this is not a pity party, although I do get frustrated by the facts, issues I face but to say in the last year I have seen The break down of three marriages and in those situations they ended amicably, I tried and failed the friendship thing as well)those people I have seen haven’t and as ex partners they have ensure there children are housed and taken care of before they thought of them selves.

I know I look and it hammers home the crazy way things are and have been. I am disappointed in the man I chose to father my children, I am disappointed In Myself for still hoping that somewhere In There the man I believed existed will place his children before himself and for my own jealousy when I see others not having to fight to just keep swimming !

But honestly more than anything I just like to be able to not feel it’s them v us in divorce to be amicable.

Not likely for me but really good to see it’s possible